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Comfortably Dumb

I had this wild imagination last night about Vijayaganth(Ganth) starring in Farenheit 9/11.  Ganth would have seen the approaching flight even with this back facing the flight and he would react by flinging a nylon rope from the ground to the needle atop the Empire state building(ESB). He would then make a timely dive from the top of the ESB and catch the wheels of the plane. With all his might, he would then pull  down the aircraft vertically and make it land safely. He would use his extra sensory perception to realize that there is one more threat and order “Tamil Nadu Police” ( whose help would have been sought by  the defence secretary) to throw a huge net close to the Statue of Liberty. Just when everyone is wondering why there is a huge net, Ganth would get to the top of the WTC and wait for the aircraft to fly in. The terrorist would outsmart Ganth and would basically fly in from the other side. Ganth would do a huge somersault and kick the aircraft on its base and the craft would do a million circles in the air but would fall in the net. He would then nab Wasim Khan ( conveniently christened for the sake of luck, supersition and numerology) and hand him over to a Tamil speaking President of United States. Secruity Advisor would then warn him and ask him to be careful with Osama as he is a very dangerous guy. Ganth would reply “Andha Osamava pathu vellai maligaila irrukra neenga vana bayapadalum, aana intha Tamil Nadu polizzee bayapadadhu” ( People living in the white house might be afraid of Bin Laden but not Tamil Nadu Police). He would then walk away in his long coat and thiruvizha cooling glass.

Osama would be in the caves drinking  kalla sarayam ( Illicit Arrack) and watching disco shanthi dance when one poor soul would come and convey the news.  He would then call Ayman Zahiri and the rest of his associates to hatch a plan to get Ganth either alive or dead. Once again all their conversations will be in Tamil with an alien accent. Ganth would get intelliegence pictures of the caves and “joom” into the rocks using MS-DOS and find out with GPS accuracy where Osama is hiding. Ganth expectedly would go all alone and meet the lion in its own den( how apt the phrase is for Osama). After Ganth finishes off all of Osama’s adiyals( henchmen) who will be waiting to get hit just like people wait to see the Lord in Tirupathi, he would take the bull by its horns, sorry the beard. At the end of the long tussle where Ganth will make gravity defying moves, Ganth would pull the Osama’s beard and to his astonishment, he would find that Osama is none other than his father-in-law with a beard. Ganth would then sermonize his father in law about how he has chosen to sabotage the world etc etc and then finally would kill him.The whole world will praise Ganth’s brilliance.

All this might sound brain dead to most folks. But this is not exaggerated even a vee bit. You have no “kloo” about the heights to which logic can be sacrificed. At the end of the whole experience, you are left wondering “Ignorance is such a bliss”.

Gravity = 9.11  Defying Newton – Click here

Written by Sudarshan Suresh

July 20, 2004 at 5:43 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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  1. hahaha .. the father-in-law twist was really interesting. with so so much ‘talent’ what are you doing man.


    August 2, 2004 at 4:48 pm

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