Flyswatting

Reactions have been pouring in since Jobs announced his retirement.

Michelle Bachmann: I learnt all alphabets and numbers using the iPad last month. Will my iPad still work?

Sarah Palin: This is false propaganda by Obama. We all know there are no jobs to resign from.

Rick Perry: Time for him to secede and start producing cooler gadgets for God.

Joe Biden: Jobs will fucking return. It is not the fucking end of fucking jobs in fucking America.

Barack Obama: Sasha and Malia love their iPads. On their behalf and on the behalf of the hardworking people of the United States of America, get well soon sir.

Jim Cramer: I live this ploy by Apple. Jobs resigns; Market goes on a frenzy for black turtlenecks. Turtlenecks outsell HP Touchpads. Doom HP, Booooyaaah!!

Bill Gates: Pancreatic Cancer, isn’t there an app for that?

Larry Ellison: Rest In Peace , my friend with the knowledge that I will buy your company and let it prosper.

Sergey Brin and Larry Page: F@#$%^&* , we should have waited before we spent the twelve billion on Motorola Mobility.

Stephen Colbert: Ladies and Gentleman, you know I am not a big fan of Steve Jobs. He wears his black turtleneck and shows up at many Gay Marriages as a bridesmaid. But he has a chance to redeem himself by introducing himself to iGod.

Tim Cook: I have been preparing for this for a long time. I even speak to Aaron Rodgers every day of the week to mentally prepare for this.

Dennis Kucinich: He is a iCon who pushed consumerism and materialism.

Forrest Gump: Lieutenant Dan got me invested in his fruit company. So then I got a call from him, saying we don’t have to worry about money no more. And I said, that’s good! One less thing.